Few topics are as charged with emotion, law, and social implications as surrogacy. This once rare and almost fantastical process has become a very real option for couples and individuals hoping to start a family.
Surrogacy offers a path to parenthood for those who might otherwise be without options—a miraculous possibility for some and a controversial, ethically tense undertaking for others. It is, at once, a symbol of hope and division, challenging our definitions of family, motherhood, and even the idea of who “owns” a pregnancy.
Whether you’re an intended parent or a prospective surrogate, choosing surrogacy is a monumental decision, one filled with hopes, fears, and legal complexities. As with any important life choice, the journey into surrogacy requires a thorough understanding of the process, especially the surrogacy pros and cons that may influence your decision.
Surrogacy, as it exists today, is not a monolithic entity. It’s shaped by the intersecting worlds of reproductive medicine, law, and individual agency. For some, it provides a bridge to a family that once seemed impossible. For others, it’s a monetization of pregnancy, filled with moral concerns about the rights of the gestational surrogate, the intended parents, and, ultimately, the child.
The Surrogacy Process: An Overview
Before diving into the complexities of surrogacy, it’s essential to understand the basics. In simple terms, surrogacy is an arrangement where a woman (the surrogate) agrees to carry a child for another person or couple (the intended parents). There are two primary types of surrogacy: traditional surrogacy, where the surrogate’s own egg is used, making her the biological mother of the child; and gestational surrogacy, where the egg is provided by the intended mother or an egg donor, making the surrogate the gestational carrier.
While surrogacy may sound straightforward, the reality is anything but. The surrogacy process involves in vitro fertilization (IVF), embryo transfer, countless legal processes, emotional investments, and medical and psychological hurdles. It is an intricate dance that demands an understanding of legal contracts, medical procedures, and the personal bonds that form between the intended parents and the surrogate.
Surrogacy, particularly in the United States, operates within a web of state-specific surrogacy laws, adding another layer of complexity. Some states have limited or no surrogacy-specific laws in place, while others have comprehensive regulations that either restrict surrogacy or have been developed to protect all parties involved.
For all its complications, surrogacy’s allure lies in its ability to make what once seemed impossible a reality—a child for couples who cannot conceive without the assistance of a third party.
The Cons of Surrogacy for Intended Parents
As with any complex process, surrogacy is not without its downsides. The cons of surrogacy can be daunting, especially when you consider the financial, emotional, and legal challenges that come with it.
The High Financial Costs
It’s impossible to discuss surrogacy without addressing the cost. In the U.S., the average cost of surrogacy ranges between $80,000 and $150,000, depending on a myriad of factors. These include medical expenses, surrogate compensation, agency fees, and legal costs. For many intended parents, this financial burden is the most significant obstacle to pursuing surrogacy, and it requires careful planning and significant financial assistance in many cases.
Complicated Medical Processes
The road to surrogacy often involves complicated and expensive medical procedures, starting with in vitro fertilization (IVF). IVF, which is necessary to create the embryo that will be implanted into the surrogate, does not always succeed on the first try. Intended parents may have to undergo multiple rounds of treatment, increasing both the emotional toll and the financial cost.
Emotional and Psychological Challenges
Surrogacy, as joyful as it can be, is also emotionally taxing. The uncertainty of the process, combined with the inherent lack of control that comes with not carrying the child, can be difficult for some intended parents to manage. The surrogate is in charge of the pregnancy, and while intended parents can be involved, they must ultimately place a great deal of trust in the surrogate to ensure a healthy pregnancy. For some, this sense of surrender is a challenge.
The Pros of Surrogacy for Intended Parents
For intended parents, surrogacy represents a lifeline. These are people for whom the traditional paths to parenthood have been blocked by biology, circumstance, or law. Be it due to infertility or same-sex male couples seeking a genetic connection to their child, surrogacy offers something truly profound: hope.
A Genetically Related Child
Perhaps the most compelling of the pros of surrogacy for intended parents is the chance to have a genetically related child (or at least genetically related to one of them). For many, especially couples who have faced the heartbreak of infertility, the idea of having a child who shares their DNA can be life-changing. Surrogacy, and particularly gestational surrogacy, allows intended parents to maintain a biological connection to their child, even if they are unable to carry a pregnancy themselves.
Involvement in Every Step
Surrogacy, unlike adoption, allows intended parents to be involved in every major step of the pregnancy. From choosing their gestational surrogate to attending doctor’s appointments, they have the opportunity to participate in the development of their child from conception to birth. This involvement can foster a deeper connection with both the surrogate and the baby, creating a bond that is rare in other forms of parenthood.
Building a Relationship with a Gestational Surrogate
The surrogacy journey is an intimate one, lasting for the better part of a year or more. During this time, intended parents often form strong relationships with their gestational surrogates. While some of these relationships may end once the child is born, others continue for years, with surrogates becoming extended family members and remaining in contact as the child grows. This mutual respect and trust are the foundations of successful surrogacy arrangements.
A Healthy Pregnancy
One often-overlooked benefit of surrogacy is the assurance of a healthy pregnancy. Many children born through adoption come from mothers who have not received adequate prenatal care or have been exposed to harmful substances. In surrogacy, the process is carefully monitored by medical professionals, ensuring that the surrogate is receiving regular medical attention from the beginning of the pregnancy. This level of involvement provides peace of mind for the intended parents, knowing that both the surrogate and the baby are in the best possible health.
Being a Gestational Surrogate: A Role of Sacrifice and Reward
On the other side of the equation are the surrogates—women who willingly sacrifice their time, bodies, and emotions to help others create families. Being a surrogate is an immense commitment, and it comes with its own set of benefits and challenges.
The Cons of Being a Surrogate
Much like intended parents, surrogates face their own unique challenges. The disadvantages of surrogacy must be considered by any woman thinking about becoming a surrogate.
Time Commitment and Medical Risks
The surrogacy process, from start to finish, can take more than a year. Surrogates undergo rigorous screening processes, take fertility medications, and attend frequent doctor’s appointments. For women with families or jobs, this time commitment can be overwhelming. For some matches, there can also be extensive travel involved if the fertility clinic is located in another state.
Additionally, while surrogates receive the best medical care possible, there are inherent risks associated with pregnancy and medical procedures like IVF and embryo transfer. The physical toll of pregnancy, the possibility of complications, and the emotional and psychological pressures are all part of the package.
Emotional Complexities
Even the most seasoned surrogates acknowledge the emotional challenges that come with carrying a child who isn’t biologically theirs. Though they enter the process fully aware of the outcome, the hormonal and emotional roller coaster of pregnancy can sometimes make it difficult to manage the feelings that arise. Many surrogates seek out emotional support from support groups or professional counselors to help them navigate these emotions.
The Pros of Being a Gestational Surrogate
For many surrogates, the decision to carry a child for another family is rooted in altruism, but there are also very real benefits to being a surrogate.
Financial Compensation
One of the most significant advantages of becoming a surrogate, especially in commercial surrogacy, is the financial compensation. In the U.S., surrogates typically receive base compensation, starting at $35,000, with experienced surrogates commanding even higher fees. This money, along with coverage for all pregnancy-related expenses, provides a tangible reward for their effort. Many surrogates use this money to achieve financial goals, such as paying off debt or making significant life investments.
A Life-Changing Journey
The personal satisfaction of giving someone the gift of a child is immeasurable. Many surrogates describe the experience as life-changing, knowing they played a critical role in helping intended parents achieve their dreams of a family. For these women, the rewards are more emotional than financial. The deep bond that sometimes forms between surrogates and the families they help can last long after the baby is born, turning what was once a contractual relationship into a lifelong friendship.
Legal and Ethical Considerations in Surrogacy
Beyond the personal pros and cons of surrogacy, there are broader legal and ethical issues that complicate the process. Surrogacy laws vary widely depending on the jurisdiction, and navigating the legal landscape is a critical part of the journey.
In the U.S., some states, like California, Maryland, and New York, allow commercial surrogacy, while other states impose more legal hurdles on the process. International surrogacy arrangements add even more complexity, with differing laws on parental rights, surrogacy contracts, and compensation.
The legalities don’t just involve the intended parents and surrogates. The child, too, is affected by these laws, particularly in cases where issues of parental rights arise. Intended parents often have to secure their rights through legal contracts and court orders, ensuring that their parentage is recognized.
TL;DR Key Takeaways
Whether you’re an intended parent or prospective surrogate, choosing to pursue surrogacy is a big commitment. It’s important that you do as much research as possible before embarking on this journey, especially so you understand the pros and cons of surrogacy and make an informed decision on what’s best for you.
Because each surrogacy is unique, you’ll need to understand how your circumstances may affect your surrogacy process. The professionals at Thompson Dove Law Group can explain the benefits and disadvantages of surrogacy in your particular situation and help you determine whether it’s a process you want to move forward with at this point in your life.
Reach out to us at any time through the chat widget (to contact a staff member immediately) or call our office. It would be our pleasure to answer any questions you have.
Below, we’ve also provided a free guide that covers the most frequently asked questions for women who aspire to be gestational surrogates.
Download Our Free Guide
Are you curious about surrogacy? We’ve created a guide that answers the most frequently asked questions, like “How much do surrogates make?” “What is the age limit for surrogacy?” and “How can I become a surrogate.”
Learn everything you need to know about becoming a surrogate and how to supplement your current income by as much as $6,000 per month.
Do You Live In South Carolina?
If you live in the state of South Carolina and would like to be a surrogate (gestational carrier) for a couple struggling with fertility, click here to take a 3-minute quiz to see if you qualify to be a surrogate with Palmetto Surrogacy. Surrogates are in high demand. We would love to get you started on this fulfilling journey.
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